I wouldn’t be surprised if your husband was not extremely depressed. This might explain why he has been unwilling to participate in the various options you’ve suggested. I would highly recommend that both of you try some individual counseling first. He needs to address his underlying emotional feelings because of his dysfunction and his possible depression. He’s probably not feeling very good about himself right now and is likely to need help dealing with all this. I’m hoping that he will go because, based on my experience working with him like him, he needs the help!

I suggest that you get counseling for yourself to sort through your feelings and to consider various options related to this issue. There may be options that you have not considered.

Finally, I’d suggest that you stop posting on the dating sites for now. Such posting is likely to intensify your frustration and I don’t think that this is helpful to you right now.

My sincere best wishes to you, regardless of the outcome.

Jesse

Here is my recommendation: Stay away from the dating sites for now. Even though your husband doesn’t't believe that you will follow through on that or that you will file for divorce. At this point both actions might make things worse. You best bet, in my opinion, is to get help for yourself with a therapist who specializes in marriage counseling. He or she will assist you to work through what must be a devastating experience for you. You can also look for help in presenting your message in a way your husband can hear as well as explore additional options to support and care for you and celebrate your womanhood.

Wishing you the best,
Melva

I’ve recently posted my profile on a dating service and told him that I’ve done it. He doesn’t act as though he believes me — but it’s true. I have other men contact me for a date and get really excited when contacted. I have shared with my husband that I have considered filing for a divorce but he doesn’t believe I’ll go through with it.

I’m not going to beg for sex from him; just want to enjoy life like a woman should. What do you think?

The ideal would be for you to seek the assistance of a marriage counselor, however, you may not be able to afford it due to your financial hardship. It’s also possible that your husband might be too angry to go with you. If he is willing, I’d suggest that both of you search for free or reduced fee martial counseling help and/or go to a minister or religious leader for help who has some professional training in marriage counseling.

If your husband refuses to go with you, I’d suggest that you go on your own for help and support in exploring ways that you might be able to open up the communications between you. Good luck and best wishes to you in what must be an extremely painful situation. Keep seeking and you’ll find the help you’re needing.

It must be very frustrating – even painful. Sometimes when people have an opportunity to “cool down” they are open to having a conversation to work things through. This may or may not be true for your husband.

However, consider being proactive in the the following way. How you approach him is important. Consider writing a letter to him that includes an intention for working things through in a way that the two of you not only problem solve but to figure out a way to become closer as a couple.

Own any contribution you have made to the problem, ask for forgiveness for that and even through he made a contribution as well, keep your focus on turning things around in a way that works for both of you.

Please let me know if you’ve found this helpful and how we can further guide you!