Un-Valentine’s Day Challenge: Understanding

Communicating UnderstandingSuccessful marriages begin by spouses really understanding each other. In communicating understanding you are letting your spouse know that you hear and understand where they are coming from. You make it a point to understand the thoughts and feelings of your partner.

You make every effort to “get into their shoes” and experience their feelings with them. You respond to what they are saying first, before expressing your own thoughts or feelings. This let’s them know that they’ve been heard.

Both work at this because the better you understand your spouse, the easier it is to communicate effectively with them. It helps to build a greater connection, closeness, a bond and trust with each other.
[Read more...]

Your Marriage in 2011

Ushering in a new year is truly a blessing. The New Year represents a wonderful gift with new possibilities and opportunities. We would like to offer the following suggestions as you embark upon the New Year.

1. Take Inventory

Do a life assessment of where you are right now. Where do you want to go—to achieve? What do you need to release—to let go of in consciousness, in your home, and work place to make room for the new? What do you want to manifest—to bring forth in 2009? Make a list and consider the steps you will need to take to achieve your goals.

2. Decide What To Focus On First

Of all the things you want to achieve, select one to accomplish first. By focusing on one goal at a time, you focus your energy thereby enabling you to achieve it faster. After you have achieved your first goal, you can take that positive energy and focus it toward successfully achieving your next goal, then the next, and so on.

3. Create and Implement Your Plan of Action

You will need a plan to succeed in achieving your goals. List all of the steps (tasks) that you will need to take toward achieving your goal. Break down each step into smaller tasks and decide what needs to be done first, then second, third, etc. and include timetables. Start with your first goal, then first step, then first task and continue to work your plan.

4. Reward Yourself

Reward yourself as you go. Intermittent rewards provide incentive and momentum to help you succeed. Include a big, really meaningful reward when you accomplish your goal.

Congratulation! You’re a winner! Now move on to your next goal. As always, we are sending our love and wishing you an abundance of all good things in 2011.

Improve Your Marriage – Be Supportive

The second most common complaint we marriage counselors hear is that spouses don’t feel supported by the other. It’s possible that you might be one of those spouses. If you don’t feel supported, you may feel that you’re carrying an unfair share of the burden in the relationship. And if that’s the case, you probably resent it–especially if your partner is capable of doing more but, for whatever reason, are choosing not to.

To be certain, there are “good times” and “bad times” in life and marriage. There are situations that may require a partner to contribute more because of unexpected circumstances. Right now, for example, your spouse may be laid off and having trouble finding a job. So, you may have to carry a bigger share of the finances until they can find employment. Or you may have a spouse who is seriously ill and you may be required to care for them while also managing the household.

While these two examples are understandable, in many common “day to day” interactions, women and men have their own reasons for not feeling supported. For many women, it is a lack of their spouse’s failure to listen to them, support them emotionally, romance and compliment them, give them love and affection, and give them a hand with the kids and household chores. Men often feel a lack of support because they also don’t feel heard, that their partner doesn’t appreciate or understand their pressures at work, the financial burdens they feel, their need to unwind, love and affection, and of course, their need for sex.

The bottom line is that in order to have a successful marriage, both women and men are required to carry pretty heavy loads. And, by working together, you can support each other to carry that load. You may not know how to do that effectively. And if that’s the case, you may need the support of marriage counselors like us to help you figure out how you can better support each other.