100 Questions Before Marriage: Your Purpose Your Past

100 Questions Before MarriageWe are offering this 100 Questions Before Marriage because in our marriage counseling work  we have found that far too many couples lack a lot of basic information about each other before they get married. For example, there is a TV commercial being aired right now where the new husband is singing about not knowing that his new wife had bad credit so rather than living in a nice suburban neighborhood like he expected, they’re being forced to live in the basement with her mom and dad. That’s just one example of the kinds of things that couples need to know before they say “I Do.”

The questions are intended to help you give you information that you need to know so that you can make an informed decision about committing to spend the rest of your life with this person. In responding to the questions, it is essential that both of you be “gut-wrenchingly honest”—that you tell the truth and the whole truth as you respond to the 100 Questions Before Marriage exercise.

100 Questions Before Marriage: Part 1, Part 2, and  Part 3

These questions have been modified somewhat from a Christian Broadcasting Network program by Julie Ferwerda in 2007. It was entitled, “Talk It Out Before You Say, ‘I Do.’” Both partners are to take turns answering the 100 Questions Before Marriage exercise. You may take as much time as you need to go through the list. After all, you’re planning to be married for life so you can afford to take the time

100 Questions Before Marriage: Your Life Purpose

Your biggest goal in life is to

You find satisfaction in life by

Before you die, what would you like to have accomplished?

Your purpose in life is to

Your dream is to someday

You will be ready to die when you’ve

100 Questions Before Marriage: Your Past

The best part of your childhood was

The worse part of your childhood was

The scariest thing that ever happened to you was

Something that I’m afraid to tell anyone about my past was

A past situation that could affect your future is

The way you feel about your past relationship history is

100 Questions Before Marriage: Part 1, Part 2, and  Part 3

100 Questions Before Marriage: What You Need to Know About Me

100 Questions Before MarriageWe’re sometimes asked why we encourage couples to answer the 100 Questions Before Marriage exercise. From our marriage counseling and pre-marital counseling experience, we have found that when couples are dating, each person quite often tries to present their “best self” and either hide, or minimize their flaws. So, what partners are presenting to each other is usually not the whole truth about who they are.

If couples are engaged and considering spending the rest of their lives together, it is essential that each know as much as possible about each other. It’s one thing to hide a pimple with some makeup. It’s another to hide or withhold information about your personality flaws, previous life style, bad decisions, and negative habits. Partners need to know in advance what they’re getting into.

There is no need to attempt to hide your flaws. We all have them. There are no perfect people. All of us have at least one thing—if not more, that we don’t feel good about from our past. So, it’s best to “fess up” because sooner or later your partner is likely to discover them anyway.

The questions in these 100 Questions Before Marriage are designed to help you give and receive information about each other before you get married. And if there are issues or problem areas that need to be worked out in advance of the marriage, you will be able to make a plan for addressing them—hopefully, before the marriage.

The next series of questions is called, “What You Need To Know About Me.” We suggest that both partners take turns answering this section of the 100 Questions Before Marriage exercise. You may take as much time as you need to go through the list. After all, you’re planning to be married for life so you can afford to take the time.

What You Need To Know About Me

Three things I like most about me are

Three things I like least about me are

My greatest personal strength is

My greatest personal weakness is

Someone that I really admire is

When I’m afraid, I usually respond by___________. How I’d like to respond is__________.

When I’m sad, I usually respond by___________. How I’d like to respond is__________.

When I’m angry, I usually respond by___________. How I’d like to respond is__________.

When I’m lonely, I usually respond by ___________. How I’d like to respond is__________.

When I’m tired, I usually respond by ____________. How I’d like to respond is___________.

In general, I think most men are

In general, I think most women are

What I fear most is

What I need most is

My usual frequent mood is

The things I hate the most are

I get angry when

The things I worry about the most are

I’m most ashamed of

I dislike people who

When someone is unfair, I usually respond by

I find my greatest joy in life when

What hurts me the most is

An accomplishment I feel most proud of is

Something I feel the most regret about in my life is

When someone is disappointed with me I usually respond by

When someone is angry with me I usually respond by

I think people should say they’re sorry when

The parts of my body I like most are

The parts of my body I like least are

Now that you have completed this section of the 100 Questions Before Marriage exercise, we’d suggest that both of you take a piece of paper and record those responses that impacted you the most. After you’ve both had a time to record your responses, we would suggest that you share those responses with each other and have a “heart to heart” conversation about it.

100 Questions Before Marriage: Attitudes About Sex, Money, and Household Maintenance

The following questions from our 100 Questions Before Marriage exercise addresses the greatest problem areas in marriage. We encourage our pre-marital counseling clients to work through this process to avoid problems before marriage begins. They represent the topics that couples often fight about—sex, money, and conflicts over how their home is maintained and by whom.

By assessing, confronting, and working through possible conflicts now before the marriage, it is possible to reduce major challenges a couple would have to face after the marriage.

We know that many of the questions in this section of our 100 Questions Before Marriage exercise may be considered quite personal by some people. Some questions, in fact, may make some people quite uncomfortable. We would suggest that in spite of your discomfort that you both answer the questions. Again, it is better to address these issues now rather than later. We encourage you to take as much time as you need to respond to each question.

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