If you are married or a couple who has a special needs child, our hearts go out to you. Those who don’t have a special needs child cannot fully understand the day to day challenges you must face–we’ve seen it in our marriage counseling services.   And because your love for your child has made you determined to care for them in spite of the tremendous difficulties that this entails, you have our sincere respect and admiration.

There are approximately 10.2 million children in the U.S. under 18 who have special health care needs. Overall, nearly 22% of U.S. households have a least one child with special health care needs. Therefore, nearly every extended family across the country is likely to include at least one special needs child.

Those of us who are parents know all too well the demands of parenthood. Those demands are three or four times greater on parents with special needs children. Depending on the severity and type of special need, these children often require a great deal of medical attention—both at home, in emergency rooms, and in various medical facilities.

The time required by parents to provide love, nurturing, and care along with the financial burden because of out of pocket health care costs all combine to make the job of parents of special need children enormous. And if there are other children in the household, and most often there are, these children also want, and deserve, to have their own special time and attention from their parents. These overwhelming demands, if not handled properly, can stress couples to the extent that it can put the entire family at risk.

We are strong advocates of people learning some very basic relationship education skills. These include couples learning how to communicate, resolve conflicts, and build cooperation and teamwork. This is of critical importance among parents who have special needs children. It is also important that the child’s disability not become the entire focus. Someone has said that “The child should live in your house rather than you living in their house. Otherwise, the family is defined by the disability and the child, the marriage and the other children will all suffer.”

We have three recommendations for

the parents of special needs children.

The first is to take good care of your marriage or relationship. Carve out some time for yourself and your partner even in spite of the tremendous demands on your time. Two, learn and practice good, basic relationship skills so you can communicate and work together successfully. We believe that couples who have learned how to work together successfully as a team, regardless of whatever the situation, can deal with any challenge more effectively.

Second, we strongly suggest that you include and involve your entire family (including all of your children and other family members), in assisting you in creating the most happy, enjoyable, and fulfilling family life possible for everyone in your household.

Finally, because many of us have family members with special needs children, we would urge you to lend a hand. Any help you can provide to parents of children with special needs would be appreciated more than you could know. If you’re unsure what and how you might be of help, ask. Just asking that question would indicate that you are caring and sensitive to their needs. On behalf of all the parents of special needs children, thank you.