7 Pillars of a Strong Relationship
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Imago Therapy Advice for How to Fight Fair

Imago Therapy - How to Fight FairFighting in marriage in inevitable because spouses are going to have differences of opinion, perspectives and values about many things. We have 30 years of marriage counseling and Imago therapy experience to guarantee you — your marriage will never be conflict free.

The question should not be, how do we avoid conflict?  The question should be, how can we fight fair to actually grow our marriage?

Fighting fair in marriage is an attitude and a skill; a skill that must be learned and practice to have a successful marriage. The following are some basic guidelines for fighting fair in marriage:

Deal With The Issue Quickly – don’t let it linger indefinitely

Deal With Only One Issue At A Time – don’t “kitchen sink” your partner by bringing up everything you’ve been upset about

Avoid “Put Downs” and Generalizations – avoid words like “you always, you never, you are always right or wrong, good or bad,” etc.

Listen Without Interrupting – take turns listening and ask questions to clarify what’s being communicated

Don’t Fight In Front Of Your Kids – arguing in front of your children is child abuse. They don’t want to hear it anyway.

Don’t Bring Up Past Mistakes, Hurts, or Issues From The Past – don’t dig up the past. Stay in the present with the topic at hand.

Avoid Name Calling and Personal Insults – name calling and personal insults might help you to win the argument but may also cause you to lose your marriage.

Make It A “Win-Win” Outcome For Both of You – you can only win if you both win.

By learning and practicing fighting fair in marriage, the connection between you will deepen your love, respect, and appreciation for each other.

Pulling Apart in Your Marriage

Pressure Pulling Apart MarriageAs you’re sitting there reading this, you may be one of those persons who are unsure about your future. If so, you have good reason. The economy has not been going in our favor these days. Lots of people have been laid off and can’t find work. Families are struggling with a mountain of bills and running out of options for “staying afloat.” Others are worried about their 401K’s and see their stock investments dwindling away.

We see it time and time again in our marriage counseling… When money gets tight, and emotions run high, couples have the “perfect storm” for separating or divorcing under the pressure. Children have the hardest time dealing with the break up—and research shows that many are impacted for life. When times are hard, we believe that it is not the time to “cave in” or “throw in the towel.” Rather, it the time when couples need to “close ranks” – to come together and work together to find solutions.

Now, you might say that we’re painting a pretty bad picture of how things are. Well, the good news is that while some are managing OK, there are countless others who are not. So, if you’re one of those whose life has not been impacted by the downturn in the economy, consider yourself blessed. Many others have not been as fortunate and are fearful of losing everything they’ve worked so hard to achieve.