Blended Families: Work Together, Make a Differecne

We’ve talked about blended families, as a team sport, how children are affected by divorce and the unique challenges blended families face as they try and bring two families together. One of the most important considerations when bringing your blended family together is this: the only way a blended family can and will work, happens when the adults involved work together for the good of all children and all relationships involved.

Blended Families : Working Together

Working together means dealing with any issues that the children will have, the individual adults will have and the issues that arise from divorced parents.  There is no way around it.  When you, as a couple, make the conscious decision to work together on all issues that arise–you dramatically increase your chances of success, not only as a couple but also as a blended family.  In doing so, you also give all the children involved a real chance to grow as individuals in a healthy way.

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Money Problems in Marriage

Are you and your spouse or partner having money problems right now? If so, you’re not alone. Many couples are. The question is how are you handling it?

Even when things are going well, some couples fight about money. In a 2006 study conducted by Money magazine, 84% of the respondents said that money caused a lot of tension in their marriage/relationship. 15% fought about money several times a month. So money issues trigger a lot of the tension and fights in relationships.

When money is tight, some couples turn “on” each other rather than “to” each other. Fighting only makes the situation feel worse. Criticizing, blaming, fault finding, name calling and all of the other negative things we say and do when we fight is not the way to confront the problem. You may end up not even wanting to talk to your partner about it because of their reactive behavior. And if you don’t talk, you can’t solve the problem.

The key to dealing with any problem in a relationship, including money, is to work together to find a mutually acceptable solution that both of you can live with. It requires that you sit down together, discuss the situation calmly, brainstorm all of the possible solutions both of you can come up with, and then choose from among all of the ideas your best possible situations. This may require several brainstorming/problem
solving sessions. This approach will not only help you deal with the situation better, it is also likely to bring you closer together.

We also suggest that you:

  • Don’t allow money problems to consume all of your time and attention.
    Plan a specific time weekly to talk together about money. We recommend no more than an hour.
    Include both short term and long term financial goals in your discussion
    Find ways to support each other emotionally during the process
    Celebrate your successes no matter how great or small

Finally, it’s important to keep things in perspective. Whatever money problems you’re facing right now are temporary. Things will improve over time–especially, if you work together.

Criticism in Marriage and Relationships

When you were a kid, did you ever have someone try to bully you, or talk about how you looked, or what clothes you wore, or just put you down every opportunity they could, or who just didn’t like you and told others not to like you either? Do you remember how you felt? It was not a pleasant feeling.

Recent news stories tell of kids who have been so humiliated and tortured by their peers that they respond by either taking their own lives or going to school and shooting people. It is illogical and it demonstrates the kind of emotional torment that some people feel because of thoughtless criticism.

Criticism is a powerful and dangerous destroyer of relationships—not just for kids with their peers but also in marriage and committed relationships. Most often, people feel inferior, hurt, unworthy, shameful, and guilty.

When a person is criticized repeatedly, their self esteem is diminished and they may fail to live up to their full potential. If you want the best from your mate, our suggestion is to turn down the criticism and turn up the complements. It’s really important that couples create an environment where both partners are better at meeting each other’s needs for a more loving connection.

We love this quotation from William Arthur Ward who said:

“Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you.”