7 Pillars of a Strong Relationship
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How Does Divorce Affect Children?

How Divorce Affects ChildrenThe results are in. Numerous research studies have concluded convincingly that the majority of children are affected when their parents’ divorce. Not only are they affected during their childhood, it appears that they are affected into their adult lives.

So how does divorce affect children? From our 33 years as marriage counselors and therapists, we’d like to share just three of among the many ways that children are affected by divorce.

1. When parents divorce, the whole world that children have come to depend on is shattered. Children become fearful—not knowing what will become of them and the world that they’ve known. And because they’re children with vivid imaginations, they can create in their minds horrible outcomes which they don’t express. Not wanting things to become worse than they already are, their fears remain unspoken.

2. The fear that children experience makes them feel extremely uncertain and insecure. In spite of their parents attempt to offer reassurance that they are going to be okay, it usually has little effect because divorce impacts children emotionally. While the parents must deal with the emotional impact of divorce, imagine what it must be like for children.

3. Children often blame themselves for their parent’s divorce. Children, like adults, need to make sense out of traumatic, painful experiences. Children are affected by divorce because they have a need to know why their parents are divorcing. So they conclude, incorrectly, that it’s their fault. They might think, “if only” I had put my toys away, cleaned up my room, gotten better grades, did what my parents told me to do, etc., etc., then my parents wouldn’t be divorcing.

So, how are children affected by divorce? Think about it from the child’s way of seeing things. If you’ll do this, you’ll know that it’s not a good thing for kids. And the unfortunate thing is that the overwhelming number of parents who divorce really don’t need to. We’ve seen countless numbers of couples learn how to communicate better, resolve conflicts, become better, happier people, stay together and create wonderful relationships.

Benefits of a Happy and Healthy Marriage

Benefits Happy MarriageContrary to popular belief, numerous marriage research studies have proven that there are many benefits for women, men, children and youth for being in happy marriages. The following is a listing of many of those benefits for women, men and the children involved in happy and healthy marriages:

Benefits of a Happy and Healthy Marriage for Women

Researchers have found many benefits for women who are in healthy, happy marriages that include the following:

  • Emotionally healthier
  • More satisfying relationship
  • Wealthier
  • Less likely to be victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, and other violent crimes
  • Less likely to attempt or commit suicide
  • Decrease risk of drug and alcohol abuse
  • Less likely to contract STD’s
  • Less likely to remain or end up in poverty
  • Have better relationships with their children
  • Physically healthier

Benefits of a Happy and Healthy Marriage for Men

Researchers have found many benefits for men who are in healthy, happy marriages that include the following:

  • Liver longer
  • Physically healthier
  • Wealthier
  • Increase in the stability of employment
  • Higher wages
  • Emotionally healthier
  • Decrease risk of drug and alcohol abuse
  • Have better relationships with their children
  • More satisfying sexual relationship
  • Less likely to commit violent crimes
  • Less likely to contract STD’s
  • Less likely to attempt or commit suicide

Benefits of a Happy and Healthy Marriage for Children & Youth

Researchers have found many benefits for children who are raised by parents in healthy, happy marriages include the following:

  • More likely to attend college
  • More likely to succeed academically
  • Physically healthier
  • Emotionally healthier
  • Less likely to attempt or commit suicide
  • Demonstrate less behavioral problems in school
  • Less likely to be a victim of physical or sexual abuse
  • Less likely to abuse drugs or alcohol
  • Less likely to commit delinquent behaviors
  • Have better relationships with their mothers and fathers
  • Decreases their chances of divorcing when they get married
  • Less likely to become pregnant as a teenager, or impregnate someone
  • Less likely to be sexually active as teenagers
  • Less likely to contract STD’S
  • Less likely to be raised in poverty

Happy and Healthy Marriages…

You see, the effort you put into your marriage really does have farther implications than just you and your husband getting along. Your marriage impacts every area of your life, your spouse’s life and your children’s life.  We believe happy and healthy marriage can even impact our communities and society as a whole.  It really is worth the effort.

Source: Why Marriage Matters, Second Edition: Twenty-Six Conclusions from the Social Sciences, September 2005

Also see: What Is A Healthy Marriage?, Kristin Anderson Moore; Susan M. Jekielek; Jacinta Bronte-Tinkew; Lina Guzman; Suzanne Ryan; Zahia Redd, September 2004