Couples who experience the devastation of affairs, often struggle to develop the one skill that could literally mean the difference between restoration and destruction. Our marriage counseling experience has shown us, without true forgiveness, there can be no future together for you.
Forgiveness does not mean that you will forget what happened. What it means that while you will not forget it, you have decided to accept it and move forward with your lives without continually digging up the past.
In order to move forward and rebuild your relationship, you must forgive. Forgiveness begins with a decision to forgive. Until, or unless, you forgive, you will remain stuck in all of the emotional pain, anger, disappointment, and distrust because it will serve as a constant reminder of what has happened.
You will re-live the entire episode over and over again—like watching a bad movie repeatedly and not being able to “turn it off.” This is no way to live. You must decide to “hit the stop button” so that you can get on with your life and all the new, exciting, and marvelous possibilities that await you.
If you are a spouse who has been cheated on, in order for both of you to recover from the affair, it is essential that you figure out what happened so that you can fix what needs to be corrected in your relationship and move forward.
Most likely, you’ll discover that it is not just one thing. There are probably several things including long-term conflicts, disagreements, and certain needs that have not been successfully addressed or resolved between you. If they are not handled now, they will only come up again, and again, and again until they are either resolved or you decide that it’s hopeless. This is when some spouses consider ending the relationship, are vulnerable to having an affair, and/or become so depressed over the situation that they withdraw emotionally, physically or both.
If you’ve tried repeatedly, but unsuccessfully, to do everything you knew to do to address whatever has been stressing you in your marriage, then it is of critical importance that you get help. We strongly suggest that you seek the assistance of a competent, professional marriage counselor.
Before proceeding we would like to make some important points about people and affairs. The first point is that there are many people who honor their marriage vows no matter how difficult or challenging things many become in their relationship. These people stick by their commitment no matter what. Then, there are other people who are ready to exit the marriage at the first sign of conflict. Often, their attitude is, “I’ll stay awhile and see how things work out.” So if things don’t work out the way they want, they are ready to “check out” of the relationship. So what makes the difference?
If you've got the commitment and you're willing to do the work, our Mining For Gold Marriage Newsletter will help guide you along your journey to restoring and enriching the dream you once believed in.
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