In our marriage counseling experience, we are often asked what kind of advice can you give that could make the most impact on couples who want to bring new life to their marriages. Our response has always been, the little things are not so little when they are aggregated over years together. One of those little things has to do with rewarding each other for accomplishments and appreciating each others’ successes.
The Art of Positive Reinforcement in Marriage
Suppose I told you that it was possible to teach a pigeon to bowl. It sounds pretty far fetched doesn’t it? In fact, B.F. Skinner proved it in 1943 by teaching pigeons to bowl by rewarding them through a series of steps until they eventually learned to bowl. Whether it’s animal or human, rewarding the desired behavior is called “positive reinforcement.” There is also “negative reinforcement” meaning that the behaviors we don’t like can also be reinforced.
Unfortunately, far too many of us spend a considerable amount of our time living in an internal world of negativity. Only occasionally do we “peek” our heads out—for a second or two, to allow in a little bit of pleasure. Is it any wonder then, why so many of us are struck in old self defeating patterns of behavior because of our negative reinforcement ways of thinking and acting?
One of the best ways to insure your success together is to reward yourself and each other for each step—for each accomplishment toward achieving your goals, whether individually or as a couple. Take the time to really acknowledge each step in the process no matter how great, how small, or how insignificant. The positive reinforcement you give yourself will inspire, motivate, and propel you to accomplishing your ultimate goals.
Successful couples stay focused on
“possibilities” rather than “negativity.”
Today, and every day, take the time to acknowledge and reward your spouse and yourself for your successes in all areas of life. This little attitude adjustment can have lasting affects on the long-term success of your marriage. After 30 years of marriage counseling experience, we’re almost ready to guarantee it.
Attitude is everything in marriage. The attitude that you and your spouse choose to have, on a daily basis, can and will greatly impact the life you two enjoy together. Negative attitudes can create a tremendous weight on your marriage, while a consistently positive attitude can help uplift your marriage — putting everything in its real perspective. We’ve seen it time and time again in our 
