“I never should have done it.” In spite of what people say publicly, these words are often uttered privately by many people following their divorce. Latter, they regret having made that decision and wish that they could put their marriages back together. But, after the papers have been signed, the property divided, child custody settled and the emotional pain subsides, it’s too late to turn back.
Once the marriage has been broken apart, you simply “can’t put humpty dumpty back together again.” And even though it may be difficult as well as painful, the person must accept the reality of their decision, deal with their regret, accept the consequences, and move on with their lives.
It really doesn’t need to be this way. In our experience of offering marriage counseling to couples, the overwhelming majority of marriages can be saved. When we say “saved,” we’re talking about couples transforming troubled marriages into really good ones. We know this to be a fact because we’ve helped so many couples to have wonderful marriages—far better than either of them dreamed possible.
We do make exceptions where a spouse is abusive, has had multiple affairs, is mentally ill, addicted, and either refuses to get help or fails to follow through on their treatment or marriage counseling obligations. However, the majority of marriages do not fall into this category. In fact, the #1 problem in most marriages is the couple’s inability to communicate effectively, resolve their differences, and maintain an emotional, spiritual, and physical connection.
Unfortunately, many people divorce because they’re unhappy and just don’t know what else to do. Many believe that they have tried everything possible to fix the marriage. Most try on their own without the help of a competent, professional marriage therapist and often fail in their attempts. They believe, incorrectly, that divorce will relieve them of their pain and discomfort only latter to discover that the divorce has created a whole bunch of additional problems and that the marriage was far better than the divorce.
So, the question is, “what is the alternative?”
Before you make the decision to get a divorce, we’d like to suggest that you:
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Get Marriage Counseling
Make every attempt to get you and your spouse into counseling. If you don’t know who to see, ask around. Lots of people have gotten help and can refer you to really good marriage therapists.
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Get Personal Counseling
In some cases, in spite of your best efforts, you may not be able to convince your spouse to go to counseling with you. We’d suggest that you seek counseling on your own. It will enable you to sort through your feelings, consider alternatives that you’ve not considered, and change the way you address situations in your marriage.
It is important to get help right away. The sooner you get started, the better your chances of saving your marriage.
We’d suggest that you read our article entitled, “5 Tips To Saving Your Marriage” which provides some practical ideas that can be beneficial.
To Your Relationship Success,
Jesse & Melva Johnson
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