A common reason why many couples don’t go to marriage counseling is because one is willing and the other refuses. The unwilling partner can offer a pile of excuses for not going. Typical excuses include “we can’t afford it,” “I’m not going to have someone tell me what to do,” “we can work it out ourselves if you’d just listen to me,” “the counselors marriage probably isn’t any better than ours,” “counseling doesn’t work,” “I don’t have time,” etc., etc. You get the idea. If your partner is determined not to go to marriage counseling, any excuse will do. Trying to convince them otherwise can be frustrating.
What typically happens is that the willing spouse gets increasingly discouraged and begins to withdraw emotionally and physically from the relationship. The unwilling spouse can become more and more critical and judgmental of their partner. This only serves to intensify the emotional and sometimes the accompanying physical distance between them.
The unwilling spouse may use their partner’s withdrawal as an excuse for having an affair or whatever. The result can be (1) a painful, frustrating, and loveless dysfunctional marriage, (2) a separation, or (3) a divorce.
What can you do if your partner refuses marriage counseling?
Without question, marriage counseling is best if both of you go to counseling together. That’s preferred. Sometimes it takes a while for an unwilling partner to change their mind about going to a marriage counselor. However, if they continue to refuse, we suggest that you go to counseling on your own without them. Marriage counseling even if done by yourself can help you:
- learn new skills to improve your communication to promote better understanding and cooperation,
- learn new strategies for coping more effectively in your relationship,
- receive ongoing support from a professional that can assist you in making the best choices to improve your marriage,
- enable you to consider all possible options in deciding whether or not you want to remain or end your marriage.
Marriage counseling can be of tremendous benefit to couples as well as individuals. The ideal is for couples to do it together but when that isn’t possible, we encourage you to go on your own.
Schedule a complimentary consultation to learn how we can help you.
