In this series, focused on Blended Families, we’ve explored the challenges and opportunities of blended families, how children are affected by divorce and the art of step-parenting. Today, we explore the reality and necessity of balancing the needs of your marriage with the needs of your children. This balancing act, can sometimes make you feel as if you’re walking a tight rope. Yet, it can be done in a way that nurtures your entire family and everyone in it.
On the one hand, you have the short-term and long-term needs of your spouse. Meeting these needs are important to the long-term health of your marriage.
On the other hand, there are the needs of your children and step-children. Meeting these needs are critical to the rest of their lives, well into adulthood.
Dropping the ball on either end of the spectrum can have serious implications for your blended family. This begs the question, how can you really balance the two. Based on our experience, we’d recommend starting out here:
Develop a household routine.
Time is your worst enemy when balancing your spouse’s needs and your children’s needs. A routine will help you manage your time more effectively, as well as ensuring all members of the household are having their needs met.
Create a plan for household responsibilities.
Minimizing daily strife in your household, leaves more time for meeting needs. Arguments, disagreements and “flying by the seat of your pants” can waste more time than you realize. Ensure that all plans are created as a household and all family members feel they are treated fairly.
Be open and honest about what you need to meet their needs.
Open lines of communication are critical to all relationships, at every level. Talk to your spouse and your children about your desire to meet their needs. When you drop the ball or misstep in your attempts, apologize and talk openly about it. Remember, no one expects perfection, they just need to know you care.
Understand, adjustments will need to be made by all.
Everyone has to make adjustments. Sometimes one or more family members feel like they are making more adjustments than the others. If it is one of the parents, it must be discussed privately between the parents. If it is one of the children, it will be helpful if it is first discussed with the biological parent, followed by a discussion with the biological parent and new spouse, a decision to be made between the two adults and as a team discuss addressing the issue with the child or teen as a united front.
These four, simple steps can help you head in the right direction to walking the fine line of balancing marriage and children. Some days will be more difficult than others, the key is to take it one day at a time–just like every other area of your life.
