We’re sometimes asked why we encourage couples to answer the 100 Questions Before Marriage exercise. From our marriage counseling and pre-marital counseling experience, we have found that when couples are dating, each person quite often tries to present their “best self” and either hide, or minimize their flaws. So, what partners are presenting to each other is usually not the whole truth about who they are.
If couples are engaged and considering spending the rest of their lives together, it is essential that each know as much as possible about each other. It’s one thing to hide a pimple with some makeup. It’s another to hide or withhold information about your personality flaws, previous life style, bad decisions, and negative habits. Partners need to know in advance what they’re getting into.
There is no need to attempt to hide your flaws. We all have them. There are no perfect people. All of us have at least one thing—if not more, that we don’t feel good about from our past. So, it’s best to “fess up” because sooner or later your partner is likely to discover them anyway.
The questions in these 100 Questions Before Marriage are designed to help you give and receive information about each other before you get married. And if there are issues or problem areas that need to be worked out in advance of the marriage, you will be able to make a plan for addressing them—hopefully, before the marriage.
The next series of questions is called, “What You Need To Know About Me.” We suggest that both partners take turns answering this section of the 100 Questions Before Marriage exercise. You may take as much time as you need to go through the list. After all, you’re planning to be married for life so you can afford to take the time.
What You Need To Know About Me
Three things I like most about me are
Three things I like least about me are
My greatest personal strength is
My greatest personal weakness is
Someone that I really admire is
When I’m afraid, I usually respond by___________. How I’d like to respond is__________.
When I’m sad, I usually respond by___________. How I’d like to respond is__________.
When I’m angry, I usually respond by___________. How I’d like to respond is__________.
When I’m lonely, I usually respond by ___________. How I’d like to respond is__________.
When I’m tired, I usually respond by ____________. How I’d like to respond is___________.
In general, I think most men are
In general, I think most women are
What I fear most is
What I need most is
My usual frequent mood is
The things I hate the most are
I get angry when
The things I worry about the most are
I’m most ashamed of
I dislike people who
When someone is unfair, I usually respond by
I find my greatest joy in life when
What hurts me the most is
An accomplishment I feel most proud of is
Something I feel the most regret about in my life is
When someone is disappointed with me I usually respond by
When someone is angry with me I usually respond by
I think people should say they’re sorry when
The parts of my body I like most are
The parts of my body I like least are
Now that you have completed this section of the 100 Questions Before Marriage exercise, we’d suggest that both of you take a piece of paper and record those responses that impacted you the most. After you’ve both had a time to record your responses, we would suggest that you share those responses with each other and have a “heart to heart” conversation about it.