The following questions from our 100 Questions Before Marriage exercise addresses the greatest problem areas in marriage. We encourage our pre-marital counseling clients to work through this process to avoid problems before marriage begins. They represent the topics that couples often fight about—sex, money, and conflicts over how their home is maintained and by whom.
By assessing, confronting, and working through possible conflicts now before the marriage, it is possible to reduce major challenges a couple would have to face after the marriage.
We know that many of the questions in this section of our 100 Questions Before Marriage exercise may be considered quite personal by some people. Some questions, in fact, may make some people quite uncomfortable. We would suggest that in spite of your discomfort that you both answer the questions. Again, it is better to address these issues now rather than later. We encourage you to take as much time as you need to respond to each question.
MY ATTITUDES ABOUT SEX
What sex has been like with you or what I think it will be like with you is
I think married couples should have sex ____ time a day/week or month
If I rated the importance of sex to me in marriage (on a scale of 1-the lowest to 10-the highest), my score would be ____
What I’m most concerned about in our sex life or potential sex life is
The way(s) I like to prepare for sex is
Foreplay to me means
Some sexual fantasies I’d like us to share in our sex life are
A personal problem I’ve had in my sex life or potential sex life is
How that problem has or might impact our sex life is
If we should have problems in our sex life, the way(s) I would like for us to address it would be to
MY ATTITUDES ABOUT MONEY/FINANCES
What money means to me is
Its importance to me is
Saving money for me has been hard/easy because
Spending money for me has been hard/easy because
My current total amount of debt is $_____________
My current credit score is _____________ which I consider to be ___poor; ___average; ___excellent
My current salary is $____________
I currently have, or have had garnishments taken from my checks in the amount of $___________
I am currently making child support payments in the amount of $__________ per week/month
I am currently making alimony payments in the amount of $________ per week/month
My plan to pay off my debts is to
The way(s) I would be expecting you to help me pay off my debts is by
I prefer ___purchasing a home, ___renting a home/apartment.
If we were to purchase a home, the way(s) I’d like to see us plan and save for the purchase is
I’d feel financially secure if we
I’d like to retire comfortably with $_________ to live on by age ______
Some ways I would like for us to plan for our retirement is
MY ATTITUDES ABOUT HOUSEHOLD MAINTENANCE
The way I like to keep my living space is
I can’t stand sharing a living space with someone who
The problems I’ve had living with other people have been
The way(s) I’d like for us to work together and share in maintaining our living space is
If there is something either of us finds intolerable I would like for us to
How decisions will be made about where we will live will be by
How decisions should be made about managing our home is by
