The goal of these 100 Questions Before Marriage is to enable couples to have more successful marriages. Some might see it as an intrusion into their privacy; however, when two people get married they take on the present, past, and future of each other. Therefore, each partner owes it to the other to disclose any and all information that could potentially have an impact their shared future. If, based upon that information, a partner decides to break their engagement; it is far better to do it now rather than get married, have a miserable life together that is likely to end in a divorce anyway.
In our pre-marriage counseling, we encourage married couples to also go through these 100 Questions Before Marriage even though they are already married. Answering these questions might reveal specific areas where couples often find themselves in conflict. By identifying these problem areas, it is possible that couples can have a “non-emotionally charged” conversation and arrive at a way of addressing them more successfully.
These series of questions focus on your attitudes about marriage, relationships and family. Partners should take turns answering the 100 Questions Before Marriage exercise. We encourage you to take as much time as you need to respond to each question.
MY ATTITUDES ABOUT MARRIAGE/RELATIONSHIPS and MY DISCLOSURE ABOUT MY FAMILY
The thing I like most about my family is
The thing I like least about my family is
The way(s) my mother treated my father was
The way(s) my father treated my mother was
What I learned from my parents about how marriage works is
The people in my family who were addicted to alcohol were
The people in my family who were addicted to drugs were
The people in my family who have been or who are incarcerated are
The people in my family who are mentally ill are
The problems their behavior has created in my life is
My expectations about when and how often we should visit my family members are
My expectations about how we will deal with my family’s expectations around holiday visits are
If we should have a conflict around our family’s expectations, the way we will deal with it is by
When I have a disagreement with another person, what I usually do it
In addition to the children you already know I have, I also have ____ number of other children
My relationship with my child(ren’s) birth mother/father is
How they have impacted my life is____________. How they might impact our lives is___________.
I want to get married because
What I believe it takes to have a good marriage is
The biggest mistakes I’ve made in previous relationships are
What I’ve learned the most from my mistakes in those relationships is
The things I’d be giving up to get married are
The things I’d be gaining by getting married are
What I fear most by getting married is
What I fear most about getting married to you is
Some of the problems I think we might have in our marriage is
If you should be unfaithful to me, I am likely to respond by
If you do not support me in the ways I need to be supported, I am likely to
The number of children I’d like for us to have, if any, are ______.
The things I will do to help us co-parent our children are
If we should ever have problems in our marriage, what we will do is
We continue to suggest that both of you take a piece of paper and record those responses in this section of the 100 Questions Before Marriage exercise that impacted you the most. After you’ve both had a time to record your responses, we would encourage you to share those responses that impacted you the most and then have a “heart to heart” conversation about them.
photo credit: tim eschaton
